Actually, I hadn't even realized how long since it'd been since I was here.
Today, though, the tears found me again. I don't know if it's the nice Spring weather or what ... Today I just miss Colton so much. I realized he would be walking now. Probably still that wobbly little uncertain walk. Where they giggle at themselves and delight in their accomplishments. He's be sitting at the table and sharing real food with us. He'd be playing on the slides and discovering the grass and dirt and exploring what he could do with them (aka eating it).
He's be growing into a toddler. Not nearly a baby anymore, yet not quite a little boy.
I miss him. I miss him so much my insides ache.
I went to visit him today and realized there really isn't any peace there. It's just a reality check that he's gone. I go and maintain it to honor him. But I am the only one that goes. I am the only one that takes the time to be there. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that thinks about him at all.
I miss him so much.
I sometimes go a year without visiting Sam's grave. I tell myself it's ok that I don't go, that she would be 16, almost 17 now. But it just feels like yet another way that I let her down. There are those of us out there that get it. Keep doing whatever you need to do to get through the day.
ReplyDeleteI think about Colton a lot. Just wanted to let you know that. He is someone that has impacted my life, help me realize we are all fragile sometimes.
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