Burying Your Child

There is no time in life when burying your child is okay.  When it doesn't hurt you to the core and bring you to your knees.  There is no loss that can compare to that of your child.  Whether they never took a breath - like Colton - or lived a long life, if you outlive your child and are forced to say goodbye it is devastating.

Last week I attended the funeral of a former coworker, and friend.  He was funny, kind, generous, and sweet. He had the goofiest laugh and a smile that spread from ear to ear.  He was a smartass (probably why we got along so well).  He would also take the shirt off his back for someone else. Matter of fact, I remember one time him giving me his jacket because I was cold.  It was nipple snappage cold that morning.  Yet he suffered and shivered to make sure I didn't.  He was a hard worker and worked as hard at living life.  He was a good, good soul.

The big, fat, nasty, sonofabitch Cancer attacked him and he was powerless to fight.  One day he was doing well and kicking ass back, and within weeks he was gone. 

His dad worked with us too.  He was definitely an apple that didn't roll far from his fathers tree.  When I heard of his passing my heart ached for his father and for his mother I had yet to meet.

When I walked up to his funeral I was greeted by my Tio. I have seen him many times, but at that moment I remembered attending the funeral of his daughter, who had passed in her 20s.  And as he hugged me I looked across to Colton's resting place. 

In that moment I looked around and wondered who else? Who else amongst us has felt this tremendous loss, this crippling pain?  How many more were mourning the loss of this friend as well as the pain of his parents and reliving their own loss as well. 

I held it together well.  Until his mom let out her first loud weep.  My heart shattered for her. I knew that wail. It escaped me at that same cemetery so many years ago as I buried my own son.  I knew the pain she was feeling and I knew that she would never, ever be the same.

The service was beautiful.  It still paled in comparison to his life.  His life is a light that will always glow in those that knew him. 

His mom and I hugged and she agreed that we wish we didn't ever meet this way.  That we wish we weren't part of that club ... The child loss club.  The age doesn't matter.  The time we had - or didn't have - doesn't matter. 

We should never, ever lose our babies.