Ignorance is Bliss

Did you know that 1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth?

(American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). (2009). Evaluation of Stillbirths and Neonatal Deaths. ACOG Committee Opinion, 383.) Just in case you think I'm making that up.

1 in 160. 

That statistic is such a catch-22.  On one hand it's reassuring.  I wasn't just some abnormality.  I wasn't the "only one", that "one in a million".  On the other hand, holy crap, that's a lot.  It's not uncommon, rather it's VERY common.  And, therefore, it could happen to me again.  Or to my close friends or family. 

Of course, having this happen makes you realize how stillbirth is common. So many - too many - people come out and share with you that it has happened to them, too.  People you'd never expect.  No one really talks about it.  Heck, outside of here I don't really talk about it .. .. ..

I would bet money that people - even people close to me - will forget in the next year that I lost a baby.  I don't blame them.  I think it's that whole out-of-sight, out-of-mind theory.  Also, had I been in a tragic accident there would probably be scars.  I don't have any noticeable scars; people cannot see a broken heart.  It will be easy for others to forget (hell, I wish I could).

It does get frustrating, however, when people act like pregnancy is a simple thing.  That labor should always be natural and a baby will come when ready.  That induction is unnecessary ever.  That "all my pregnancies have been great, so they always will be" ...  I never realized how much the saying "every pregnancy is different" was true until this last was SO different.

The best way I can deal with this is to know that they will (hopefully) never understand.  They will - hopefully - never lose a baby and with it the false security each healthy pregnancy gives us. 

But ... well ... 1 in 160 ...