Shit Happens

Today there was a news report posted on a site I visit that discussed stillbirth and the link with how much and how you sleep.

For reals?

All I could think is for fuck's sake!! It was the most uneducated, narrow, stupid article I have read in a long time.  I mean, it was like 300 ladies they talked to and asked about sleeping before stillbirth.  Namely sleeping on your left side v. any other way. 

First, I can almost guarantee you they have no idea how they slept the night before their child died.  I know that I don't remember most anything from the moment I confirmed my son was dead until I don't know when before.  Most women I know that have gone through the same trauma say they are the same; they have no clear recollection of the days (or months) before "that moment".

Second, give us a break.  By us I mean all the woman who have tried to recount ever step, scrutinize every sneeze, every trip, every twinge, every headache, every.single. freaking.second of their pregnancy and wonder where we went wrong.  What did we do. 

Coulda-shoulda-woulda.

I am done with the blame. I didn't do anything wrong. I ate right, I rested right, I took good care of myself and my son.  SHIT JUST HAPPENS.  Unfortunately, this is the crappiest of all crapies that CAN happen and it DID happen and blaming myself or my foods or my stinking sleeping habits just won't change a damn thing. 

Stillbirth sucks.  Plain and simple.  Reaching for answers that just aren't there just adds to the frustration and grief.  I refuse to live like that.  And I wish people who don't know what they're talking about wouldn't pretend like they do.  If they did they'd know they aren't helping anyone.