Inspiration

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death."
- Robert Fulghum

Sometimes I actively search out inspiration to get me through the days.  Today was one of those days.  Yesterday ended up being more difficult that I thought it would be.  I think the realization that next month will be nine months.  For me, life is lived in three month spans, especially the life of an infant/child.  Each three months is a milestone.  This next 'milestone' is the last before the one year birthday/anniversary/whatever the hell it is now. 

I couldn't fall asleep last night.  I tossed and turned and tossed and turned.  I thought I'd feel better when going to bed.  A dear friend had out of the blue reached out to me and expressed how much she thought about me and Colton; how much Colton has touched her life.  It made me feel so amazingly proud and full of light and happiness.  Yet, when I went to lay down for the night I couldn't calm the anxiety and the sadness. 

For almost two hours I fought my thoughts and begged myself to succumb to the physical and mental fatigue I felt.  All to no avail.  I finally reached over to the side of my bed and grabbed Colton's blanket.  I pulled it close to my face.  I felt the warmth and softness and I swear I smelt him in there.  The comfort was instantaneous.  I laid my head on the blanket and I fell into sleep. 

I woke up still snuggled in his blanket.  Through the night I must have gripped it like a winning lottery ticket. 

I don't know why I have these spells of deep loss and sadness.  Quite frankly it frustrates me and I get so irritated with myself.  I feel like I have worked so hard to heal and yet I (feel like) I fail.  I appreciate those around me who remind me it's "only been" x months, less than a year.  And, that I'll always grieve, always hurt, always miss him.

So, anyways, after a night like last night I needed some inspiration.  In searching I found the quote above and felt ... validation.  Strength. 

Things will get better.