Soccer Season Begins ...

... which should be awesome and fun (which it is) but it's also the "I haven't seen you since last season ... where's the baby??" season. 

*le sigh*

Last night at soccer practice a mom from our team last year ran into me.  She immediately brightened and said "how's the baby?? where is he???".  My niece was standing there, too, and yelled "NO don't ask her that!!!".  I felt so bad for my niece; she had such panic in her eyes.  I told her it was okay and explained to the mom what happened.

Luckily she was one of the cool ones.  She said, "I would tell you that he's better off and that it'll get better but that's just bull shit.  That just sucks."  It was refreshing to have someone cut the BS.  And it was nice to have someone ask questions and talk to me, not hear the news and run like a swarm of bees was attacking.  (which happens OFTEN). 

However, it sucks to know that over the next few weeks I will run into people who I haven't seen since last season.  A time where my belly was huge, waddling was the norm, and the "my baby is almost here" glow covered me.  Now some days it's a strain to smile and pretend I even care to function.  Especially on soccer days, or any day I know the probability is high of facing someone I haven't seen since before losing Colton.

The reminders of how life should be sucks.  I should have my moby wrap with my son tucked in tight while he sleeps through practice.  Or hold his little fingers as he tries to walk with my help.  Or laugh at his wonder of the feel of the grass.  I should have my baby.  And I don't.  And it sucks.